What is family? Check any dictionary and you'll define family as a group of persons sharing common ancestry. But a family is so much more than a simple biological relation to another person. A family can also be two or more people who share goals and values and have long-term commitments to one another. At its core, a family is a social group that must be nurtured and maintained in order to grow and thrive. As with all social groups, communication and interaction in the form of a communal gathering are integral to survival. The concept of the family gathering has been in existence for millennia. It's not a modern creation but rooted in the traditions and histories of our own particular cultures and ancestry. A family gathering, whether it's a daily shared meal, a special gathering over the holidays or Sunday visits with grandparents, has an impact on the development of our family units and us as individuals within the unit. Family gatherings are the cornerstone of successful and happy families and we all need to work to include communal activities as part of our daily family routine. The gathering does not have to be a formal affair that includes every cousin, Aunt or Uncle you have. A simple meal together with your immediate family unit can provide a vehicle for communication that otherwise may not get to be expressed. Let's gather at Oliver's home: Oliver, at ten, is the oldest of three children. He has a 4-year old sister and a 5-year old brother. Oliver is a warm and friendly child with a gentle nature. Never one to antagonize his peers, Oliver has become increasingly aggressive and confrontational with his peers. Over a six month period, Oliver's behavior has deteriorated to the point where he became isolated from his peers - his play dates have virtually disappeared and he spends most of his weekends sitting in front of his Nintendo playing by himself, rather than engaging in activities with his siblings. Both Mom and Dad noticed a change in his behavior yet attempts to discuss the matter with Oliver were met with "I don't know" replies. When Oliver's deteriorating behavior began to translate to his school work, Mom and Dad's anxiety over the welfare of their child reached critical levels and they sought help. Through individual and group sessions, it was discovered that a vital piece of the family dynamic was missing from the portrait. With a young and growing family, Dad works until 7-8 pm each evening. Mom usually has dinner on the table @ 6pm but does not dine with them, preferring to wait until her husband returns. Due to Dad's hours, Dad rarely has dinner with his family. In fact, they almost never had a meal as a family. Oliver is at a critical stage in his development when he will slowly explore his independence from his family. It is important that the comfort of home and the closeness of the family continue to engage Oliver and provide him with guidance and direction as he moves into his teenage years. Oliver's deteriorating behavior is a warning signal that he is reacting to a family unit that he was not particularly connected to and that he was losing interest and direction. To re-engage Oliver in the family, Mom and Dad began a regular family meal each evening, allowing that time to be a place where all could vent and discuss the events of their day and any other issues etc that they felt they needed to share. Not only did the regular meals allow Oliver the opportunity to share his life, it also allowed him to make his parents aware of homework challenges and together they worked to clarify difficult concepts and engaged in extra practice homework. Having a supportive and loving forum that all members of the family had a lasting impact - deepening their relationships and increasing their self-confidence. Here are three simple tips you can use today to increase Family Happiness: 1. Assess - Take a look at your family know each ones strengths/weakness 2. Connect - Be aware of how connected your family is to each other 3. Construct - A forum for your family to share feelings and issues on a regular basis |
