"I learned that inspiration does not come like a bolt, nor is it kinetic, energetic, striving, but it comes to us slowly and quietly and all the time, though we must regularly and every day give it a little chance to start flowing, prime it with a little solitude and idleness." --Brenda Ueland
If you have decided to make the changes necessary to build a perfect life for yourself - as you define it - you need to bring that inner intention out into the world. This is often the first obstacle people face in making conscious life changes and can sometimes stop change dead in its tracks. Great results take a strong commitment.
The first step in communicating your intention to change your life for the better is to acknowledge to yourself that some people in your life will object. The sad truth is that some people in your life are satisfied with the status quo. There are several reasons for this. For instance, your improved life may make others more acutely aware that their life is not the way they want it. They may be used to relying on you for always stepping in to do the lion's share of the work and don't want that to change. In some of these cases, you and they may even have to face the fact that your friendship is based on mutual dissatisfaction with your life and gripe sessions that no longer work for you. It is challenging for you to let these types of relationships go if they can not grow with you and be restructured into positive supportive relationships. Family, too, become used to the roles individuals have taken on within the family dynamic and resentment can surface when one person seeks to improve or change their traditional role or level of activity/responsibility within the family.
Once you accept that not everyone will become a cheerleader for your new life, the process of communicating your intention with grace and love is simple, if not always easy. The first thing to do is be very clear with yourself as to what you actually intend. Take some time to sit and reflect upon the specific changes you will make and who in your life may be affected. Then, be clear with yourself as to why you want to tell each person about the changes you are making. This step is important because you want to avoid having an emotional reason for conveying the information. Avoid any air of vindication if you are bowing out of volunteer work or altering longstanding holiday arrangements. Be prepared that people may respond with anger so that you can maintain a neutral tone and demeanor. Remember you are not hurting them, you are helping yourself.
Once you are clear on your purpose and attitude for delivering your message, it is time to think about the content of what you will say. The best way to convey your message, particularly if you expect it to be unpopular, is straight and to the point. Write down what you intend to say and practice stating your intention to yourself in the mirror or to a friend using clear and direct language. Avoid getting caught up in justifying your decision. Practice being comfortable with silence so you won't rush to fill a void in the conversation with more promises or explanations.
Once you know why and how you will convey your message, set aside a short time with the person. You do not need a lot of time but you also do not want to blind side a coworker in the ladies room to drop off a committee. Deliver your message in a clear and direct way. You do not have to justify or make excuses for your choices, just state them clearly. You are not trying to convince them you are right, just inform them of what you are doing.
As always, support is a vital part of this process. It is extremely helpful to arrange with a close friend or your coach that you will telephone him or her after each conversation to debrief. This will help you release any emotion, particularly if you felt uncomfortable with the conversation. It will also help you to see where you can improve your technique for future conversations.
Be patient and forgiving of yourself if some of your conversations do not go exactly as you planned and practiced. This is a difficult though necessary process and it is important that you remember to give yourself credit for stepping outside your comfort zone and being willing to make changes to get the life you really want and deserve. You may feel strange or even awkward at first having these types of conversations. It may be both a new way of communicating for you as well as a bold statement of new behaviors. Again, be patient with yourself. It will become easier as time goes on and you will be laying the foundation for your perfect life.
Six Tips for Communicating Your Intentions with Grace and Love
1. Understand that not everyone will be pleased with the changes you are making.
2. Be clear about your intention.
3. Practice what you will say and how you will say it.
4. Convey your message directly and succinctly.
5. Get support before and after each conversation.
6. Be patient and don't forget to congratulate yourself!
Although it can be frightening to stand up for what you want, your perfect life is more than worth it. Stepping outside your comfort zone in this first step is excellent practice for taking the future actions necessary to creating your perfectly confident life. |
