I hear it all the time. Couples come to me after going through every other marriage improvement method under the sun and tell me they experience a brief sense of relief from a certain program, but with passing of time, they fall back into their old ways.
This got me thinking. With the millions of books and seminars available to struggling couples on how to make a marriage last, why hasn't the divorce rate gotten any better?
I came to realize the reason is that expert advice is based on the core idea that if you "do the right thing", your problems will be solved.
If this core idea were actually true, the divorce rate would be dropping. Its not.
For 27 years I struggled in a miserable marriage as I read every book, attended every seminar, and listened to every tape set that I could in an effort to find out why my marriage was so difficult.
These resources gave me advice like, "start holding your wifes hand to reignite intimacy in your relationship". At the time, that was the LAST thing I felt like doing. I was so loaded with resentment towards my wife, I could hardly stand to be in the same room with her let alone hold hands!
This advice (like all other advice) was telling me to do good, then you will feel good.
But then I realized this simple truth: You have to FEEL GOOD FIRST, before you can do good things for your marriage.
Finally after my 27 years of searching for an answer to my marriage problems, I discovered how to eliminate my negative feelings in 60 seconds. And ever since then, my relationship with my wife has never been the same.
Throughout those years, I discovered a SECOND secret of what it takes to make a marriage last...a secret that no other author or speaker was talking about!
Let me explain...
After you attend a marriage seminar, counseling session or any other means of marriage improvement, something happens inside your brain that makes you fall back into your old ways...even if it seemed to help at the moment.
That something is a set of "instructions" on how to be married which was given to you during your childhood by your parents.
If you're a woman, your mother showed you how to treat a man by the way she treated her husband. If you're a man, your father showed you how to treat a woman by the way he treated his wife.
These "instructions" are NEVER addressed, NEVER found or discussed in marriage seminars or books.
They are the "master program" that you will always follow unless you identify and replace them with a different, more positive set of instructions.
Your original instructions on how to be married were put into your brain by your parents during your first ten years on earth.
I call these instructions, your "Invisible Lifestyle".
The reason they are invisible is the same reason why, when youre standing too close to a tree, you cannot see the forest. You must step back, far back before you begin to see the forest.
In the same way, you are living the way your parents showed you to live...OR...you are living your life the OPPOSITE way you were shown. Either way, what's driving your day-to-day actions is very hard to see.
These instructions are what you will default back to for the rest of your life...UNLESS you find them, dismantle them and replace them with what you now believe in. There is a definite method to do this but only those with a real desire should attempt it. Find out more about your Invisible Lifestyle at http://www.marriage-success-secrets.com |
