Are you tired of feeling isolated, but don't know how to reach out and talk to people? Would you like to go out on dates but are too shy to meet someone? Many people find themselves in this predicament. They would like to have a relationship, but they have trouble starting conversations and being friendly. I have a client who is a 39-year-old never-married man who would like to meet someone to date. He's nice-looking, has a promising career, and is a sweet guy. He's also shy. He finds himself immobilized when he is in a group of people he doesn't know. He has a routine of work, gym, grocery store, TV, and working on his car. He visits his parents once a week, and also goes to business conferences, but when it comes to social events where he might meet someone, he has to push himself hard in order to get out and talk to people. My client told me he looks for something noticeable about a person he'd like to know, that he can comment on when he does make it out in public. He needs conversation starters. Knowing that props and unusual items help a shy guy or gal start talking, let's explore some possibilities: * Carry your favorite book. Carry your book or have it peeking out of your carry-all. You might meet someone who has read it; someone who has heard about it and wants to read it; or someone who asks you about it and wants to know more. Having a book or magazine can also act as a sorting tool. Your choice of subject matter will either appeal to someone or it won't, and can be an early indicator of interests and compatibility. * Think about your clothing. If you are in a place where the dress is casual, a phrase printed on your shirt might attract responses from others. but think carefully about why you say; if it is too sarcastic or mean-spirited, you will set a tone for the conversation that you may regret. Wearing something unusual, as long as you don't feel weird in it, will also open doors to talking to others. * Consider wearing a hat. You can also have a slogan or catchy phrase printed on it. Hats elicit comments, but don't wear one if you don't look good in it. It's important to know what suits you and what doesn't. Ask your best friend or someone who will tell you the truth. But hats often draw attention and conversation to you. * Carry some props that indicate your work or hobby. If you are carrying an item that is related to your field of study, work, or one of your interests, you have just given others an avenue to follow to a conversation. Your butterfly net, field binoculars, camera equipment, skis, snowboard, paint set, carpentry tools, needle work, or fishing pole are all worthy of attention and questions. If you are traveling somewhere and walking through a terminal carrying your tennis racket, musical instrument, bird cage, or scuba gear, notice if people are looking at you as though they would like to make comments. (True, the bird cage may look a little strange...but it will attract conversations.) People will probably want to know where you are going and what you are doing. You may find it easier to talk to strangers when you are both focused on the prop. Some of the above ideas also can give you cues and clues to watch for in others, so you can have an opener. And if you cannot think of an appropriate prop, then go to the mall and learn to talk to strangers. I suggest that you find an older person, the same sex as you. Go in a department store, or hardware store, and look for people who are browsing. Get near them and ask a question, such as, "Do you know anything about these towels? Have you ever used these before?" If the person is not friendly, move on to someone else. But do not give up until you have practiced talking over and over. Learning to start conversations may be hard, but it doesn't have to be impossible. You can move from "shy and tongue-tied" to "shy but full of try." Everyone loves people who try. |
