Ask yourself what values, superstitions, myths, and beliefs you hold, which were given to you by those who have loved, nurtured, and reared you. You know what I mean; I like to call them "family heirlooms." All the little stated or unstated rules you were instilled with growing up. Some of us are still receiving values reinforcement from our love ones or we just replay messages in our head from when we were developing.
"We don't act like that." "We don't do that." "We don't say that." We don't believe that." "Are you going to wear that?" "Is that your friend?" "Are you going to eat that?" The messages just play on and on.
Do you know why you were given those "heirlooms" or have you just adopted them blindly? Were they born out of the experiences of others, but have not much to do with your own experiences? Could they have been passed on to you from an era when they may have been necessary, such as "the depression" or "the Jim Crow laws period," but now they are clearly obsolete? Do they all fit your life today? Do you ever find yourself wondering how others who do not share your same values and beliefs live? Do you ever wonder what your life would be like if you did not follow the family traditions? Are any of these "heirlooms" stopping you from being who you really want to be? Are any of these "family heirlooms" hindering you from succeeding in a loving relationship?
To get the life and love you want it is essential to evaluate, and then correct yourself. Part of the evaluation should include the plethora of information you have been given by those who love you. These individuals are significant because you probably trust them more than any others on this earth. They are also very important because they have helped shape who you are. To fully grow into your individual self, you must carefully analyze your development.
Decide if what you were given as a child fits your lifestyle today. While looking through your old family heirlooms you may find a new appreciation for values you have taken for granted. You may also find that some of your heirlooms clash with your new flair. If you have old heirlooms that do not match your new style, get rid of them. Discard them happily, and don't look back.
You may have to explain to the folks who have given you all this stuff that you no longer have use for it. They will probably try to convince that you do. They may even try to coerce you, beg you, or threaten to disown you, in order to make you carry the family baggage. However, you should remember that you only have one life to live, and you will be the one responsible if you do not get what you want out of it. More than likely, your family will adapt to your new way of living because they love you.
One last thing, if while taking this journey you discover that the "heirlooms" you've adopted from your loved ones are very incongruent with the life you desperately want to lead, do not waste your time blaming them for doing their best. Just work toward doing your best. Continue to love and accept every part of them because at your core you are they. To reject them is to reject you.
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